Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
