a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
