I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
