so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
