my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
