My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
