I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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