dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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