Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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