You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
