guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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