So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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