Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
