And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
