She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
