In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
