I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
