This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
