I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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