so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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