you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
