margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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