I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
