tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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