Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
