I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
