Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
