I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so let's talk penis.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
