I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
