I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
