Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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