Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
