This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
