Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
