I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
