she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
