i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
