Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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