this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
