remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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