I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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