A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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