we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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