The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
