You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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