He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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