Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
