Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
