wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
