all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
