Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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