I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
