It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
