So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the raccoons are back...
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