New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
