Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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