it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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