Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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