Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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