I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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