Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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