her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
