I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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