what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
