A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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