I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
