wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
