I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
