theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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