M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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