i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
