That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
