she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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