I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
