dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
