Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
