Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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