What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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