her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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