His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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