I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
