I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
