there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
