my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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